Searching for Love.

In school, my teachers always said never to preface your work with a disclaimer. Well, here's my disclaimer...

I wrote this a few weeks ago on the way to Edinburgh for travel weekend. I forgot about it and just found it today. I wasn’t going to post it but then I thought, why not? I reread what I had written and was encouraged by it. Even though these were my thoughts from two weeks ago, they're still true. I hope this post will serve as an encouragement to anyone who might read it.

October 28, 2011. A busy bus through the English countryside. The sun streams through the windows and lights up roadside fields. IPods plugged in, conversations buzzing. Edinburgh excitement is in the air. 5 weeks into school and 6 weeks until Christmas. I count my blessings and give thanks.

Thanks for being thousands of miles away from home?
Thanks for the homesick feelings and loneliness felt all too often in the past weeks?

A verse runs through my mind, “Whoever loves his father and mother more than me, is not worthy of me.”

Wait. Isn’t Love a fruit of the Spirit? Since when does it separate us from God? Imperfect, selfish love leads to unsatisfied, ungrateful longings. I want to experience perfect love. The only one who can offer a life of perfect love is He who is love. Leaving everyone I know and moving to a different country hasn’t been as wonderful as I thought. It’s been difficult, frustrating, lonely.  It’s been life changing. But amidst the darkness, God speaks. He always comforts. Always provides.

ALWAYS loves.

And as I stand in the dark, I have a hand to hold. I am thankful to be away from everyone I know because I grasp His hand tighter. I can step forward completely trusting in His faithfulness as I gaze back on past memories. I am thankful for all I have at home. I am so thankful I have people to miss! A new mindset guides my steps. A mindset of thankfulness. Gratitude for everything. Perfect love. I tell myself I will never take anything for granted. But, I know I will fail. And even when I fail, he loves me. –Perfect love. Life changing, and I get to experience this?

“Whoever loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me.”

I had to move to a different continent to fully understand the importance of this verse. And from thousands of miles away, my heart is warmed. He holds my heart. Perfect love is no longer a search. It's written in the every day of life. As I count my blessings, I see God’s hand.

He offers a life of perfect love, and I accept.

Life changing. 

Update after a hard week

Reality- This week has been a roller coaster. A crazy tilt-a-whirl of emotions swirling, ranging from nerves and excitement, to exhaustion and a bit of hopelessness. I thought I would make it through the first week of school without crying, until that dream came crashing down about an hour ago. In all truthfulness it was just a few tears, explainable because my brother is going into surgery tomorrow, and I won't be able to talk to him until afterwords due to the drastic time difference and such. It also doesn't help that I'm sick, and that there's e a mold problem in the entry way where I'm living... Yeah it's gross! Despite the few tears flooding my eyes this afternoon, I've spent most of my first week happily enjoying the beautiful, record autumn high temperatures for England, and the peaceful fields filled with sheep surrounding the school. Yesterday I walked through the Lake District and saw some of the prettiest countryside I have ever seen! It's raining right now for the first time since being here but I'm comfortably curled up, and eating ritz crackers with peanut butter and chocolate spread. My sunshine for the day. I've met some great people and have made some close friends. But most importantly, the Lord has already revealed many things in my heart, that in order to draw closer to him, I must completely surrender to Him. He has pointed out robber's dens in my soul and giving them up to Him, I am constantly reminded of His undying, unconditional love. Even in the first week, I have grown closer to God... Growing in Grace. I am learning that He truly does grant blessings to me which are sufficient for each new day. While spending some time alone in the Bible the other day, a verse in 1 Corinthians stuck with me and I wanted to share it.

1 Corinthians 3: 7-9, "So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth. He who plants and He who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor. For we are God's fellow worker's, God's field, God's building."

What does it mean to be God's field or God's building? Well I think it has something to do with the fact that this journey, life on earth, is simply the test. I miss home, but I have to remind myself that even home for me, 2570 Golf dr., is not home. Heaven is my home. I am a part of God's field on earth but He is the one who sows the seed and reaps the crop. Sometimes the crop in my life is thin and at other times it's abundant. But I don't need to worry about whether or not it can be harvested because that's God's job. He is the Master. The farmer who resows and fertilizes when the crop does not produce what is expected. And as he looks down at my pitiful field, He sees Jesus' perfection. In so doing, God continues to be gracious and loving.

This has been a hard week, but it has also been a week of God's blessings, molding and changing me to be more like Him. Even though I miss everyone, I am encouraged in the Lord. I am thankful for His love, patience, and kindness. I know that He is the only one who will satisfy my heart, and my homesickness. I am grateful.

(Ambleside -A village on the Lake District)

"According to the grace of God given to me, like a skilled master builder I laid a foundation, and someone else is building upon it. Let each one take care how he builds upon it. For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is Jesus Christ." 

-1 Cor. 3:10-11

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Since leaving Wenatchee on Tuesday morning, I have seen the Lord working through my travels to protect me, comfort me, and keep me! For instance, before I even left Pangborn airport, I decided to read some letters that I had been given by a few friends. Stupid idea! I was fine while I sat there waiting for the plane but as soon as I started reading the kind words that my close friends had written me, I lost it. I left to compose myself but, when I returned to the boarding gate my puffy eyes gave my emotions away. A lady who was sitting behind me turned around and saw that I had been crying. I didn't say anything to her but she just looked at me and said, "I know how you feel. I do it every year. It get's easier." This was so helpful to hear and I boarded the plane without a tear in my eyes. Sure enough this kind lady was sitting right next to me on the plane. God is so good!

Flight two, Seattle to Minneapolis... I only cried once when, "Leaving on a jet plane" by John Denver played as my ipod was on shuffle. If you've never heard that song, look it up and you'll understand. Instant tears. I sat next to a girl who had just graduated from college and was flying to London by herself as well. Striking up a conversation, I quickly learned that she was a foreign exchange student to France when she was my age. We had a lot in common and sitting by her helped me to get excited for my time abroad. God is so good!

Flight three, from Minneapolis to London... I sat next to a grandfatherly older man who has flown to England three times a year for the past 30 years! He grew up in England and told me all about the customs process that I would encounter upon UK entry, which I was nervous about. His help calmed my nerves. God is so good!

I landed in London. Walked right up to the customs gate without having to wait in a que, because if you enter the UK as a student, you have your own line. The border patrol guy who checked my passport and documents was super nice. He even asked what my future plans were when I returned to the States! Everything went smoothly and I am so thankful!

It's one in the morning, and I fear the time change is going to be difficult to get used to! But tomorrow will be a very exciting, jam-packed day of sightseeing, and I know I will have many stories to share afterwords...

God is always good!

Beginning the Adventure...

I leave for England in 6 days! Nervous? Yes! Excited? Also yes. I plan on using my blog to share my stories, experiences, challenges, and of course, adventures! I can't wait to see how God uses me over there, and changes me into a greater servant for His kingdom! I started packing today and I realized that it's going to be difficult. Nothing I can't handle however, there might be some sitting on the luggage to fit it all in and some definite praying that my carry-on is actually allowed as such. It's harder then I thought it would be because I don't know what to expect. I've never lived in England before. With limited room at the school, I have to really make sure that what I bring is practical. I can't bring all of my coats(I have a thing for winter coats in case you didn't know) and I can only bring one pair of heels. Heartbreaking, I know. I started packing, and I didn't get far. As you can see, I got a little distracted...

Side note- I've always wanted to own a cute vintage boutique! I had a lot of fun with this... (It's supposed to be ridiculous, if you didn't catch that)

These are things that I'm bringing to England with me. I got the rain boots and the luggage for my birthday so now I'm set! I'm really glad that I know my parents love me because I can't think of many other cases where giving your kid a set of suitcases for their 18th birthday would be considered an act of love. Thankfully, in this case it is! I know that as I leave the country I go with the prayers, encouragements, and blessings of everyone back home. This picture shows what I'm taking with me but, it doesn't show what I'm leaving behind. Even though I'm excited for my adventures abroad, part of my heart, a big part, will always be at home with my family, friends, at The River Academy, and with everyone who has been involved somehow in my life! If you fit into this category, which if you're reading this then you probably do, know that I will be thinking and missing you as I'm away.

This is a quote from the amazing book on the ground in the picture. "The human side in us fears the unknown, Lord. Give us the faith we need to step out of our dim caves and into your guiding light." -Corrie Ten Boom 'Each New Day'. I would covet any prayers over the next week as I seek this faith mentioned and trust in God for all I need.

And that reminds me, I still have to pack!

XL Orange Shirts; Otherwise known as, Vendors.

I've decided to blog about the problems, irony, and just plain humor of working a vending cart at a concert.

First of all, I don't think anyone can truly appreciate vending until they've worked a vending cart themselves!

Over the last two summers I have been involved in vending for a local amphitheater as part of a fundraiser for trips to Europe. Yesterday, our group worked a two night concert and it got me thinking. I honestly believe that no one can fully appreciate the job of vending until they've tried it themselves. Let me explain...

Just to start it off right, we vendors get to wear lovely bright orange shirts that for some reason, only come in the size, XL.

After pushing our big carts stocked full of drinks and ice up a huge hill, because it's absolutely necessary that the thoughtful Gorge employees stock the carts at the bottom and not at the top, we vendors set up our drink stands and wait for the crowd.

Now I have a question, Have you ever tried to sell a bottle of water for four dollars? I'm not talking about a jug of water, or one of those high-end 'smart' waters. No, I'm talking about a simple 20 fl oz. Dasani bottle of water.

Or how about a Powerade for $6.50?

Or a Coke for $5.25? Yes that's right, not $5 and not $6. But, just to make it easy for us I'm sure, the price is $5.25.

A thing I've learned working in vending about people is that everyone, and I truly do mean EVERYONE, feels like they need to comment. After a number of rude and unnecessary comments, you get really good at saying things like, "I'm sorry, I don't make the prices," or trying to explain that "it's a good deal because I won't take your cap away." I just now realized the irony of that last comment!

I've also learned that you can't deal with people without dealing with creeps. Especially as a vendor working a cart by myself. Here's a few examples...

I once had a guy who told me that, "We would all, one day, be angels and fly around and be happy." He also asked me if it creeped me out that he could read my thoughts. He eventually left to go find, "my boyfriend." Only then did I doubt his telepathy powers considering that I don't actually have a boyfriend.

This one's a gem...
Old guy walking past: "Hey! Can I adopt you?"
Me: "Ummm"
Old guy walking past: "Cause I would take you home and snuggle with you for forever."
Old guy's old wife: "He means like babysit."

Or, yesterday I had a guy come up to me and sniff my shoulder. No joke. He stood there with his nose against my shoulder, sniffing me. I didn't say anything because I was at a complete loss for words. After contenting himself with the smell of my shoulder he explained, "You know, you should take this as a complement. I'm only messing with you because you're pretty." Hmm... Maybe he should work on his wooing approach.

I've worked about 20 concerts as a vendor and I've learned that stupid people do and say stupid things. My approach in dealing with stupid people, try as hard as possible to make light of every situation.

I should be a Union representative for the vendors of the Gorge Amphitheater. Please refrain from making rude comments while purchasing a drink. Yes, I do accept tips, and enjoy the show.

TRAnsition Stages

It's official! I'm a graduate! Ever since I moved the annoying tassels on my cap from the left side to the right I have been singing Alice Cooper's famous "School's out for the summer" with an emphasis on the part, School's out forever! Even though it's only really just beginning! This week has actually been pretty hard for me. I learned something about myself.

I don't like change.

I mean, I'll embrace it when I have to but I definitely don't look forward to it. And man, this week has been a week of change. Probably the biggest in my life.

Just to demonstrate how much I dislike change I'll briefly explain what I have been doing this week. After blowing through about fifty 'Thank You' cards and even suffering from a paper cut on my lip because of my vigorous envelope licking, I didn't have much to do. So, if you know me at all you can probably guess what I did.

I went to school.

Yes I did just graduate, and no I do not have to go to school. This was completely a matter of choice and I have been to school every day this week. Whether it's been to play frisbee, help in third grade, pull a Senior prank, or just hang out, I have been there. The teachers all thought they got rid of me, but they were wrong. I feel a little strange walking the oh-so-familiar halls not as a student but as alumni. Yeah that word just hasn't sunken in yet... Alumni.
I don't like change because it means that I have to give up what I am comfortable with; that I have to step out on a branch, trusting that it won't break. But I guess without change, no one will ever get anywhere.

Here's what I've learned. No matter what changes in my life, God stays the same. He will ALWAYS be there for me and I can find my hope in Him. I know that wherever I go, whoever I meet, and whatever I do, God will be there to guide me, protect me, and change my life for the better.

So maybe, just maybe, change is a blessing, even though it's hard.

Saying Goodbye

          May it please the court. Yesterday, a good friend of mine passed away. Someone that I was really close to. Her name was, Prosecuting Attorney, Hailey Ghiglia. I know this might sound weird, but Mock Trial has been what I’ve looked forward to most for the past five years. I started as a small and semi unimportant witness in eighth grade, but just to be a part of the team was so exciting. As a security guard, Wavie Davie, started my love affair with Mock Trial. I looked at the older and experienced attorneys on the team in awe, wondering if I would ever be able to deliver a Closing Argument. Wondering if I would ever be as good as them.

                Through the years, I have had many amazing memories because of this competition. I was a witness for three years and an attorney for four years, with two years of double duty.

                Two years ago we won first place at our district competition. We then went on to place fourth at state.  Last year we won third place at state with twenty teams competing. We victoriously held up our trophy and screamed until our voices were gone. This was the best feeling.

                Yesterday was our district competition. We went in to the trials with an amazing team. One of the best teams we’ve ever had at Districts. Ever. We were confident through all of our trials, and anxiously anticipating with excitement the announcement of the teams that would continue. Everyone on the team performed to their best ability. There were no weak links to our team.. It was easy to see that we were one of the most prepared teams there. If not THE most. The awards ceremony drew near and my nerves began. Three of our attorneys received best witness awards, and four of our witnesses. Things were looking good. The announcer said, “Tri-Cities Prep third place. Richland High second place. And the winner of this year’s district competition who will be continuing on to State, (drum roll please), Kennewick High School.” Wait??? I don’t understand! He must have accidentally read the schools incorrectly, because he didn’t call our name!  Then I realized what happened. Everything began to click. We weren’t going to state. We had lost, and now I had to get a grip.

                After a very soppy and tear-filled car ride with the other girls from the team(our poor driver), a full night of uninterrupted rest, and a day to muse over everything, I can finally clearly make sense of it all. Well maybe not ALL, but some.

                It seems like things don’t always turn out as expected. I thought I had already learned this which ironically shows how necessary this loss was. It seems like Solomon might have known what he was talking about when he wisely said “Do not boast about tomorrow for you do not know what tomorrow will bring.” It seems like, as hard as this is, we needed a lesson in humility. And this experience was extremely humbling. In fact, I can safely say that I have never felt more humbled in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not making the incredibly false claim of saying that I am humble. I am only saying that this was the most humbling experience. We got fourth out of five teams. That hurts. A lot.

                Even though we lost, I am so proud of our team. Everyone worked so hard. Everyone performed so well. We gave it our all, and that was all we could give. Now, I have to pass my role. I am passing it to the next lead attorneys. To the eighth or ninth grader that wonders if they will ever deliver a Closing. I’ll let you in on a little secret, “It’s not that hard, if I can do it, so can you!" (Also, don’t ever confuse a ‘Side Bar’, with a ‘Bench Press.’) To the future River Academy Mock Trialer’s, enjoy this position and compete well, giving ALL the glory to God. May it please the court…